Wilderness Found

Barton Springs pathway. I walked it to get a feel for it. Next, I bust out my bike and ride it!

This little gem is right in town too! It reminds me of the parks in and around D.C.

I will be single forever!!!

Ugh, I have no idea how people flirt here in Austin. I walk one block from my house, or 25 feet from my car and I am sweating like a whore in church. Scratch that, I am sweating worse than that whore because she is probably from somewhere hot and is use to this nonsense. I kid you not, I walk into a store and it looks like I ran 6 miles to get there. I had a audition the other day for this new band and within 6 minutes I was sweatin'. The guy was like, "Oh, let me go turn on the air conditioning, sorry about that." Boo. There is no way in hell that I can wear make up, it will be all down the front of my shirt. Do guys down here dig a chick that looks like she was working on a Louisiana chain gang just before she walked into the store/bar/coffee shop? I continue to be amazed when someone walks past me who is not only not sweating but smells good too. How? How did they maintain such a look? Ugh . . . .

Just look at poor Doodle after our hike today.

He's so damn hot he is smiling. Lord in heaven. And, when you walk outside at night, looking for that cool, merciful breeze . . . . . hot, steamy breath is all you get back. The other day, I saw people wearing jeans so I put on a pair of jeans. I walked one block to the coffee shop, was so sad and miserable that I had to give myself a damn pep talk to walk the block back.

Now I know some of you are thinking, "Why is she complaining about the heat in Texas? That is like complaining that it snows in Jackson in August." Well, yes, you are right. But, this post is not about heat, which I am rapidly getting use to (I have feeling in my feet again). It is about sweat, a serious, serious, serious block in my dating game.

The world IS flat.

Day two of the journey was uneventful. The further I drove the hotter and muggier it got. But there was beauty. Especially in northern Texas. The picture above is somewhere between Dumas and Amarillo. It was a pretty sunrise that rivaled the sunset I described in my last post.

I might add that while Texas is flat by Rocky Mountain standards, this place seems to be the land of the 39-foot hill. It is an expression often used by hikers and campers. What looks flat on a topographic map (which often measures the height of the land in 40-foot increments) is usually undulating hills. Texas, and Austin specifically, is very much a place with tons of little hills.

Oh well, there was a little excitement. When I got to my new abode, I walked in with the movers and the landlord's wife and found a 2X2 section of the kitchen ceiling on the floor. Hmm, I am looking at it now. It is still there. Plans are in the works by the landlord to get it fixed next week.

Texans are CRAZY

Hahahaahah!

HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHHAH!

That was the standard response from Texans to my concerned re-telling of the tornado story. "Oh the tornado horns go off all the time. But, people rarely die from a tornado. If things get really bad you just go get in a ditch." WHAT?!?!?!? Jesus-h-christ. Get in a ditch? Hell no, I would have certainly died from a concussion from the golf ball-sized hail raining down. Happens all the time? The hell you say! I have five dollars that says any time a gd tornado actually passes over you, you should mind the air raid sirens. "Hahahahahahha! Welcome to Texas!" Rubbish, go to hell. Both the Uhaul and the car are so beat to hell that they both actually resembled golf balls. I took the next day off and hid out in Dumas. I have driven through the worst snow storms, and I even had to maneuver through a tornado or five as I drove through Indiana once. Nothing, nothing in the whole world is as nerve-racking as a Texas spring storm. I do not care how few people die in these things (tornados), they are horrible.

I am just glad Austin is far enough south to avoid that nasty business. A whole separate weather phenomena was waiting for me down there.

I did discover why people pray so hard down here. It seems God has seen fit to throw these horrible storms right down through the bible belt. I suppose rather than move, they have opted for praying and a delusional belief that tornados are "no big deal."

Welcome to Texas!!!!!!!!

Well, I have to start with my first day of travel.

First of all, hauling a 17-foot Uhaul truck with a full car trailer is difficult. The last time I drove something like that it was a 15 passenger van, 5 to 12 kids, and a full canoe trailer. Needless to say, years of working at a desk and sitting through law school have made me soft. I was that asshole driving down the two-lane highway going 55 mph when everyone else (including several 18-wheelers) was going at least 65 to 85 mph. Ugh, it was a slog with high winds, mini-hills, and whatnot as I rolled through southeastern Colorado. The weather was kind of horrible (windy, rainy, lightening-y), but it was intermittent. By six o'clock the sun was shinning across the flat expanse of alfalfa fields and farms. I was about 20 miles or so outside of Campo, Colorado, and I could already see big thunderhead clouds over Oklahoma and Texas.

If I may be permitted an aside. The sun was at such a point on the horizon that it turned everything a warm reddish-orange color. It was so beautiful. The country is flat down there, very, very flat. So the sun set looks much like the sun setting on the ocean. It lit up these thunder clouds the same way it does mountains as dusk. Rather than alpenglow on the mountains, the sun set lit up these clouds, turning them pink, orange, and blue.

From years of watching skies in the mountains, I knew those were thunder clouds. I gave it no more thought than that. I did call up a good friend of mine who is from southern Colorado. He informed me that there was bad weather further south in Oklahoma and in the Texas panhandle. "Well, we will just see about that. I have to get down to Amarillo." This friend replied, "Well, just be careful." Okay, that was that. I kept going, singing Little Feats Willin' on repeat because I was driving a "big rig" after all.

La, la, la, la, la, la. Uh oh . . . the lightening was increasing, really increasing. No rain really, no wind either. Toodely toot toot, oh well. I am only 50 miles from Amarillo, and I am going.

THEN ......... ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Hail! Lightening that actually blinds me. More hail, and it is banging on the cab of the Uhaul so loud that it is deafening. The road is flooded, and, in this flat hell I have stumbled into, there is no cover, no underpass or anywhere else to hide. Of course, the 18 wheelers are still flying by. I have switched from my repeated renditions of Willin' to saying "no more hail, no tornado, no more hail, please, please, please." Doodle is straight losing his shit (he is looking at me like, "What have you done? Make it stop!"). The hail backs off in time for me to see the little town of Stratford, Texas. Any other time, this would have been a drive-by town. On this night, however, I was excited to see buildings and other places to hide from what I knew was a tornado. I pulled into a truck stop, many other drivers and truckers had the same idea. I called my friend from southeastern Colorado and told him what just transpired. He informed me that there were tornados passing through my area. I informed him that I was "Scared Shitless!!!! If I had poop, I would have shit myself." Then a bunch of nervous giggles from me. My friend told me that I had to stay put in Stratford until the worst passed. What was the worst? Oh I will tell you! It was air raid sirens, the ceasing of hail and rain, and the beginning of winds so strong and miserable that they moved a loaded Uhaul. "Accccckkkkkkk!" I posted to facebook. The tornado, I later found out, went right over the town. Ugh. Well another phone call to my friend, he informed me (after I hid out in Stratford for an hour) that I had a small window of time to get down to Dumas, Texas. Dumas was a "booming metropolis" according to my friend. I drove like hell and got into town just at the "storm chasers" were pulling into Dumas and setting up their cameras to catch the tornado that was going to touch down "any minute."

Well it was 1 am at this point, Doodle and I got into our hotel room just before more hell actually rained down on the little town of Dumas.

One of my favorite things in the world is curling up in bed when it is storming outside. Too many years of sitting in a tent, or less, during snow storms, lightening storms, hail storms, etc. However, no Wyoming tempest could have prepared me for my first Texas storm. Naturally it was quiet, pristine, and beautiful as Eden the next morning in Dumas. But, that is for another post.

If you don't believe me. Check out this link to a report of the day's tornado events. http://www.tornadoeskick.com/2010/05/3673.

Dear Diary

Well due to many unforeseen circumstances (law school exams, family, travel, tornados) I am just now getting to the point where I can tell you all about my adventures.

First, I must share with you a story that explains the stories you are about to read.

This spring I made my sometimes annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas. It is a nice little town where loud people like me can find some acceptance, dare I say quiet. Well, anyway, I was resting poolside with some college friends of mine (I will try to keep names out of this unless I receive express permission first). One friend brought up my little trip to Austin. "So, you are going to Austin?" It was really more of a statement, but ended with inflection at the end of the sentence, so I am calling it a question. "Yes I am." I replied. "Why?" she asked. "Well I am either going to have a wildly successful career as a songwriter, or I am going to rise to mid-management in a marketing firm." This, of course is a rough approximation of the conversation up to this point. However, what I said next I remember clearly and it remains true, "I think I am kind of like Don Quixote, I am alway out chasing windmills." Another friend chimed in at this point and said, "Yes, you are very quixotic, it is kind of endearing."

And it is true and this upcoming adventure is no different. Poorly investigated, ill-planned, no schedule to speak of. Part dream, part intuition, part pure unadulterated stupidity.

Enjoy!